Joel Warren has been our poet in residence and an important part of our ministry at Keysville UMC for the past several years. His poems will touch your heart, whether it is about the death of his wife, his experiences in Vietnam or his faith struggles. The power of Joel's writing is in the simple fact that he has struggled as we have and shared those experiences in a beautiful and creative way. I first wrote about Joel several years ago. Read it then explore excerpts from "Shades of Life" by Joel Warren.

Coping with Grief & Joel Warren

 "I hurt so much and want so badly to have Marlyn back. I never thought I could miss someone so much. I sleep with a pillow to my back, because I used to sleep with my back just touching her. I told her once that I couldn’t really sleep unless I was “plugged in” by touch to her.”

Joel Warren of Keysville, Virginia, wrote this shortly after his wife, Marlyn died of cancer, more than a year ago. As a part of his therapy, he began to write about his experiences. What follows are his words as he learned to cope. My prayer is that through Joel’s writing we may learn about how we can cope with grief and help others heal.

My Life, My Wife, My Marlyn                                                             by Joel Warren

The light in my life has gone out,

The candle to my soul no longer burns

All that remains is a dark hole.

 My limbs still move through

Day to day tasks.

While in my heart...why...why....I ask?

The answer I may never know

Why I should stay and she must go.

I long for her voice, the touch

Of her hand --

Why please God, help me to understand.

My chores here on earth are not through

But someday, I’ll return to you

But between this day and

Who knows when --

You’ll always be my wife and friend.

                       

There are no magic words of comfort to ease the pain of grief. Joel describes his loss as a light going out with nothing remaining but a “deep dark hole.” The first stage of grief is often called the “Survival stage.” Making basic day-to-day decisions are major accomplishments. Joel describes it as, “My limbs still move through day to day tasks” as if they are not really a part of his body.

Another part of grief is often called a “Questioning stage.” This is when you ask: Why? Why did this have to happen? Why did God let it happen? Joel writes, “Why...why...I ask? The answer I may never know, why I should stay and she must go.”

A third phase of grief is the “Coping stage.” It does not mean you necessarily understand the answer to the why questions. Coping is better described as accepting the lack of a good answer to why. Joel writes, “My chores here on earth are not through, but someday I’ll return to you.”

Much later, Joel wrote: “I’ve started to rearrange things in the house. As I move furniture or other items from the places my wife chose, in my heart I feel another door close. I’m not shutting out these memories but storing them in a special part of me...it remains a room in my heart, and it will always be a special part of who I am and who I’ll become because of a certain someone.”

“...And God I owe it all to you. I found the answer to my prayers in finding someone who truly cares. The future looks much brighter now as I look forward to when and how!!”

Note: Joel is now remarried to Betsy.

"LESSONS"    by Joel Warren

THROUGH TWO MARRIAGES SPANNING 28 YEARS I'VE LEARNED

THAT THE PARTNERSHIP FORMED VIA MATRIMONY IS THE HARDEST

JOB YOU'LL EVER HAVE BUT IT CAN ALSO BE THE MOST REWARDING.

IT IS NOT A SIMPLE MATTER OF GIVE AND TAKE, BUT A COMBINATION OF 100 % EFFORT BY BOTH PARTIES.

YOU HAVE TO LOOK BEYOND FAULTS TO FIND CHARACTER,

WEATHER STORMS TO ENJOY THE RAINBOWS, ENDURE THE TRIALS

TO REAP THE TRIUMPHS.

I'VE FOUND THE KEY TO THESE RESTS IN COMMUNICATION,

TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT ALL THINGS, DO NOT BE AFRAID

OR UNWILLING TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS; THIS ESTABLISHES A FOUNDATION OF TRUST ON WHICH LOVE, HUMOR AND COMPASSION CAN BUILD A HOME. STRIVE TO ACCOMPLISH YOUR DREAMS, BUT ALSO BE CONTENT WITH THE GIFTS YOU ALREADY HAVE.

SEARCH EACH DAY FOR THE GOOD TO BE FOUND, BECAUSE TRULY WHAT YOU SEEK IS WHAT YOU SHALL FIND.

THERE ARE MANY JOYS TO BE ENCOUNTERED EVERY DAY, THE BEAUTIES OF NATURE ABOUND, BUT WE SEE AND HEAR OTHERS THAT WE SOMETIMES TAKE FOR GRANTED. THE SOUND OF THE VOICE OF A FRIEND, THE SMILE AND LAUGHTER OF A CHILD, A HUG OR KISS OF A LOVED ONE.

ALL THESE THINGS ARE PART OF LIFE EACH DAY AND ARE THINGS WE ENJOY AND CAN SHARE WITH OTHERS; I WISH WE COULD ALL LEARN HOW PRECIOUS THESE LESSONS ARE AND TEACH THEM TO ONE ANOTHER AND REAP THE BOUNTY IT WOULD BRING ......